A complicated life
by Save the last one
Summary: This story starts off when Harry is boarding the Hogwarts express at age 11 . Harry after fooling the light has to face the wrath of Dumbledore! This story contains alot of flashbacks as the story progresses.
1. Chapter 1

**_Harry and his "best friend" Ron Weasely were excited. They were now boarding the Hogwarts express. Harry began to tell Ronald about all the classes,until he was interrupted by Ron who started to talk about all the food the feast was going to have. Moments later Harry and Ron drifted off to sleep._**

 ** _Harry was awoken to the sight of Ron attacking the treat trolly. " You wait your turn!" the lady behind it screeched. Ronald hissed and sat back down. When the trolley came around Ron jumped on it taking everything he could find. "How many can I fit in my mouth?" Ronald said as he stuffed his face with several pumpkin pasties. The lady manning the trolley passed out due to the sick scene in front of her. Ronald immediately threw her out of their compartment. " I get all this for free!" Ronald belched._**

 ** _The next hour Ronald was going on about how excited he was that he and Harry would be sorted into Gryffindor. " Yeah I can't wait to get SORted." Harry emphasized the last word._**

 ** _The train ride was going smooth until an annoying girl who said her name was Hermoine Granger showed up. "Get dressed we're nearly there!" She sneered. "I am dressed you bitter bitch"! Harry that Hermoine left with a huff. 5 minutes later they were a Hogwarts. " Lets go Ron!" Harry said anxiously. " Alright Harry food oh boy"! Ron exclaimed unaware of the secrets that Harry was hiding._**


	2. Chapter 2

Harry and Ron entered Hogwarts with great anticipation. There waiting for him was the aged Headmaster Albis Dumbledore. He approached Harry with a sincere face. "Harry my boy, I was just wondering how you are handling yourself all these years after the death of your parents, and just recently the suspicious murder of you aunt,uncle, and cousin?" "Fine!" said Harry hastily." "How are the Weasleys taking care of you" Dumbledore added. "They did well" harry replied with fake enthusiasm "lets begin sorting!" Dumbledore exclaimed.

Moments later Dumbledore stood in front of the great Hall and announced, " We will begin sorting but before we do I want to announce that Harry Potter will be the last sorted, for he is our headline event, eh"! Dumbledore said merrily. The sorting began momentarily it went on until everyone but Harry was sorted. A few notables was that Ron Weasely was sorted into Gryffindor with little to no applause. The other was that of Hermoine Granger getting sorted into Hufflepuff leaving the witch shell shocked, disgusted,and horrified. Then the moment everyone was waiting for, well mostly Dumbledore was, It was Harry's turn!

After heading his name called Harry walked up and had the hat placed on him. The hat immediately began debating between Gryffindor and Slytherin. "Please not Gryffindor." Harry whispered. Dumbledore caught the Gryffindor part in Harry's whisper, and immediately grew a large cat swallowed the canary grin. "Not Gryffindor eh" the hat chuckled. "Please no!" Harry pleaded in a whisper. Don't worry I won't send you there, but instead to "Slytherin!" The hat exclaimed. Harry did a fist pump and joined the shocked Slytherin table. Not before giving a one finger salute to Ronald who was choking on a chicken leg that he had in his mouth when the news came. Ronalds chocked until he passed out, then he had to be sent to the medical wing.

Dumbledore was furious. He flipped over the staff table then proceeded to pick up his chair and launched it across the great Hall and watched with a maniac smile as it exploded on the other side of the Great Hall. Dumbledore now advanced toward the sorting hat preparing to destroy it when he was cut off by Severus Snape. "Professor Dumbledore you can't destroy the hat it is our only way of sorting!" Snape exclaimed. Dumbledore then turned to the hat, "You're lucky that I'm so madly in love with Severus or you would be toast!" Dumbledore wheezed. "You brats are dismissed" Dumbledore told the students in the Great Hall who were still a bit rattled by Dumbledores act of rage. Harry was leaving the great Hall with his new Slytherin friends, ignoring a death glare by Dumbledore. Harry went to bed happy. " I'm glad I'm not friends with that idiot Ron anymore." Harry said as he drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Flashback:

Harry had just got done doing errands at the neighbors Mrs Figgs house. He now went back to the Dursleys house expecting to more tedious tasks. When he got inside he wasn't greeted to the usual punch in the crotch. This time there was no sound it was dark, and the TV was off. Harry walked in the kitchen, and there is where he found Vernon and Ptenuia dead on the ground, their throats slashed, and their eyes ripped out. A horrified Harry then went to find Dudley. He wasn't in his room so he checked the upstairs bathroom. He found Dudley lying with his face in the toilet. Harry lifted him out of the toilet and found to his complete disgust that Dudley was disembowled.

End of flashback

Harry was leaving the Slytherin common room ready to begin his first day of school. He exited the portrait and found a crowd of people outside. "We're trapped we can't get through!" Harry heard several Slytherins complain. When Harry looked around he saw that the exit was blocked with several desks, chairs, and other large items. Harry already knew Dumbledore did this in revolt for him going to Slytherin. Moments later Severus Snape came to the rescue and destroyed the blockade. Harry could hear him mutter "immature headmaster" so he was suspect of Dumbledore to.

Harry and his friends entered the Great Hall for breakfast, and were immediately greeted by a smug Dumbledore. "Well my friends enjoy your little surprise this morning"? Dumbledore he got no response he became aggitated. " 5 points from Slytherin " Dumbledore declared. "You can't do that!" Draco malfoy yelled. '25 points from Slytherin for back talking authority! " Dumbledore shouted triumphantly.

Later that morning after the first couple classes Harry was walking to the potions class when he heard an odd disturbance when Harry looked he saw Dumbledore pinning Severus Snape against the wall. " I'm warning you Severus take any points from Gryffindor and you will have no job!" Dumbledore boomed. "Professor Albis Dumbledore you know what your doing is illegal!" Snape yelled. Dumbledore struck Snape on the head knocking him out. Dumbledore was about to wipe his memory until he saw Harry looking at him. Harry immediately took off running while Dumbledore was in pursuit. "Come back here Potter!" Dumbledore thundered in the halls.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry ran into a classroom which turned out to be Filius Flitwicks room. "Harry my boy what are you doing in here you don't have charms for a little while?" Flitwick squeaked. All of a sudden, CRASH! Dumbledore smashed into Flitwicks door, taking it clean off the hinges. "Harry I fuck you up!" Dumbledore said like a gangster. Dumbledore then realised where he was. Everyone was looking shocked at their headmaster. "Students don't you have studying to do and Filius don't you have a class to teach!" Dumbledore hollered. "I come into this class and what do I see? I see a teacher and his students jacking off!" Dumbledore thundered. "Actually you interrupted us crashing in here!" Flitwick squeaked once more. "Harry back to class!" Dumbledore ordered. "You knocked out Snape!" Harry declared. "Nonsense Harry Snape fell off his latter reaching for a potion." Dumbledore said leaving the classroom. Harry just went back to class.


	5. Chapter 5

Flashback

"I hope you like it here at the Burrow Harry Dear!" "Thank you you are very kind!" Harry exclaimed. "Again I'm sorry about your aunt and uncle."Molly said sincerely. " Don't worry about it, I wasn't too attached to them." Harry shrugged. "Harry your filthy go upstairs and get a shower!" Molly teased. "Ok." Harry said grabbing a towel. "Upstairs!" Molly directed Harry.

Moments later Harry was taking a shower. It felt good, because this was his first shower this summer. Harry was washing his body with a bar of ivory soap. It suddenly slipped out of his hand. Harry bent down to pick it up. All of a sudden, **WHAM!** Harry was hit. To Harry's horror he found his crown jewels were being grabbed. Harry looked and saw to his complete utter horror it was none other than Molly Weasely, who has a crazed look in her eyes. "Didn't anyone ever tell you to not drop the soap!" She devishly laughed, as Harry passed ou.

End of flashback

Dumbledore was laying in bed thinking on just how Harry landed in Slytherin. "After everything Molly did for him, that little shite goes to Slytherin!" Dumbledore spat. "Everything alright pookie?" A voice said. "Everything's just fine Wormtail baby!" Dumbledore chuckled as he inserted his throbbing dick into Wormtail.

Molly Weasely was furious. She just got a letter in the mail from Dumbledore, which explained the tragic news that Harry was sorted into Slytherin. Molly had to be at Hogwarts full time to make sure Harry doesn't get in "trouble". So she sent a letter back to Dumbledore asking for a job.

Dumbledore woke up the next morning to the sound of a delivery owl beating on his window. "In a minute!" Dumbledore growled. Dumbledore went to scratch his Dick but realized it was still attached to Wormtail "Sorry Wormie!" Dumbledore quacked as he ejected his still throbbing manhood from Wormtail. Dumbledore forcefully got the letter from the owl. Dumbledore read the letter. As he did he grew a large predatory smile. "Molly you got the job!" He wheezed with an evil laugh.


	6. Chapter 6

Molly Weasely, at the time was making hot sweet love to her husband Arthur. Molly was in deep concentration as Arthur ejaculated on her face. All of a sudden there was a tap on her shoulder. It was none other than Ginny Weasely! "Ginny what are you doing here?" Molly belched, slapping Ginny in the head. "I wanted to join to!" Ginny pleaded. "Come on let her join, she get some practice for her future husband Harry eh!" Arthur encouraged. "Oh alright!" Molly chuckled as she picked up Ginny, and the rest was history.

After an hourof "fun" the trio was interrupted. It was their delivery owl Errol! "Ohh lets go see if I got the job!" Molly screamed as she rolled off the bed and bear crawled to Errol. Molly got the paper from Errol, and read it aloud, **"Dear Mrs. Weasely I am happy to inform you, that we were able to create a new job at Hogwarts just for you!" "You will be Hogwarts very first Assistant Caretaker, you will be assisting Argus Filch, in "cleaning" our school. Sincerely, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian (Badass) Dumbledore."** Molly then read the last part to herself: **Ps "Molly you don't really have to clean if you know what I mean eh, wait a minute that shit rhymed, cheerio!"** Molly was so excited, that she started doing flips off the wall. A minute later another owl came from Dumbledore, and she read it: **"Molly make sure to bring Ginny with you!"** "Assistant care taker eh!" Arthur squealed. "I got to pack up!" Molly screamed realizing her job starts tomorrow.

"Wait you're saying Molly Weasely raped you!" Draco Malfoy laughed. "Well she grabbed my dick!" Harry chuckled. "Far out man!" Blaise Zambini added. "Why didn't you say anything then?" Draco questioned. "No point Harry shrugged, besides they won't believe it coming from an 11 year old anyway." Harry shrugged as he looked out the Slytherin dormitory window, and he was shocked to say the least in what he saw. It was Molly Weasely waving at him, or the Slytherin common room in general. "Speaking of the devil there she is!" Harry said in awe.


	7. Chapter 7

"Speaking of the devil, there she is! Harry said shocked. "What you mean Molly Weasely?" Draco Malfoy asked, a little confused himself. "Come have a look!" Harry motioned to Draco. Malfoy looked out the window and saw Molly Weasely making obscene gestures toward Slytherin house. Draco then saw someone else. "Yuck what is that!" Draco exclaimed covering his eyes. "What?" Harry asked as he peered out the window again. Harry saw what Draco was talking about. He saw the most hideous girl. She had yellow teeth, red hair in pigtails, and Harry swore he saw a cock Roach come out her hair. "What is that?" Harry asked frantically. "I think I know now." Draco began, That's Ginny Weasely, father said they were going to abort her, because she didn't resembled a human being, but of a weird creature." Draco finished. "I never saw her when I lived at the Weaselys. " That's weird." Draco said, as he went to bed.

"Oooo Molly and Ginerva, welcome!" Dumbledore oinked. "Yes and I made a place where you can be nice and cozy!" Dumbledore added with a purr. Where is it Albus?" Molly asked concerned, as Ginerva sucked on her breast. Dumbledore who looked a little shaky as he saw what Ginny was doing answered, "Don't worry Molly me girl, for I put you just around the corner from Slytherin house. " Good!" Molly exclaimed as she went to her office.

The next evening at dinner in the Great Hall, Dumbledore stood up to make an announcement. "I am very delighted that Hogwarts has hired a new staff member, actually staff members!" Dumbledore corrected himself. We have hired Molly Weasely, and her lovely daughter Ginerva, but you call her Ginny! " Harry who was listening, noticed that Dumbledores eyes lingered on him when he announced Ginny, before he started again. "Yes we have hired these lovely duo to be this SCHOOLS FIRST ASSISTANT CARETAKER!" Dumbledore belched triumphantly. "Please come up ladies." Dumbledore ordered sweetly. Molly and Ginny came up front and were greeted to little to no applause, only exception was Ron Weasely and a few others from Gryffindor. Molly then made a very brief speach. "I plan on cleaning this school to its former glory, anyone who gets in the way will be punished." Molly purred as she smiled viciously at Harry. " Thank you Molly for your kind words, now everyone you are dismissed! " Dumbledore wheezed with a toot, a burp, and a wink.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning Harry was awakened to the screaming of Draco Malfoy.

Harry got out of bed and was horrified by what he saw.

It was Dumbledore, and he had a naked Draco handcuffed to the bed.

On top of that Dumbledore was sucking on Draco's jewels.

Harry took out his wand and used The sectumsemptra curse on Dumbledore.

The curse hit Dumbledore's nose.

Dumbledore then belched in agony, and then signaled for Molly.

Molly hit harry hard on the head with a broom.

She then viciously tore off Harry's clothes and began raping him.

Dumbledore healed his nose with a new silver one, and put Draco under the imperious curse.

Dumbledore was giggling like a little girl, as Draco was giving Dumbledore a blow job.

Draco then fought the imperious curse off and bit Dumbledore's package and ripped it off

Dumbledore got up and took off like a bat out of hell.

Draco rugby tackled Molly as he and Harry beat her to a bloody pulp.

Later Dumbledore came out of his office when he saw the head of Molly Weasely mounted on his door.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry and Draco laughed when they saw Dumbledore pass out when he saw the head of Molly Weasely.

The two thought about Killing Dumbledore there, but they figured that wouldn't be fair.

Harry and Draco were excited for today.

Today was the day that you could go to hogsmeade.

While they were walking they decided to take a secret passageway that Fred and George told them about.

Fred and George Weasely were greatful to Harry and Draco for killing there whore of a mom, so in return they told them about the secret passageways to hogsmeade.

As Harry and Draco were walking, they heard growling behind them.

It was Dumbledore with a machete!

"Die!" Dumbledore climaxed as he decapitated Draco with one fluid slash of his machete.

Harry ran but was cut off by the degenerate Ginny Weasely.

"Not so fast!" Ginny Screamed.

Harry passed out as he saw Dumbledore make out with Draco's severed head.

Harry woke up in Dumbledores office in a huge bed.

There were 2 other men, Dumbledore, and Ginny in bed with Harry.

Harry quickly realized that he was handcuffed to the bed post.

Harry was horrified when Dumbledore woke up and began making love to an unidentified man in the bed

Harry woke up again with Dumbledore sleeping with an arm around him.

Harry had enough

Harry pulled his handcuff as hard as he could, ripping the bed post off.

Harry hit Dumbledore on the head and left.


	10. Chapter 10

Albus Dumbledore was one pissed off cookie.

Harry had refused to spoon with him last night and on top of that he had to bust out of Hogwarts to avoid being arrested by Chocolate Fudge and the ministry of magic for the death of Draco Malfoy.

When confronted Dumbledore told the ministry that Harry was responsible for Draco's death.

When the ministry tried to arrest Dumbledore after they didn't believe him Dumbledore took out his wand and killed half the aurors present.

Now:

Dumbledore had seeked shelter in an abandoned meat factory in Liverpool England.

Dumbledore was now having sex with his 2 muggle boyfriends Kurt and Zachary.

Dumbledore snorted in pleasure of having 2 men keep him company in time of crisis.

Dumbledores good time wouldn't last as there was a loud crash down stairs.

Dumbledore saw that it was some aurors.

"Oh damn they comin to bust me ass!" Dumbledore rapped.

Dumbledore who was naked flipped into the air and jumped on an auror.

Dumbledore then sucked the aurors soul out, and ate his Kidneys.

Dumbledore then did parkored off the wall to escape.

Dumbledore was now 2 times stronger after sucking the soul out of the auror.

Now he wanted more.


	11. A new beginning

Dumbledore came to a sad conclusion that his 2 men Kurt and Zachary were probably dead, so Dumbledore got back to "work"

Dumbledore had enough of "dating" younger males so he seeked for the older generation.

"They won't be older than me!" Dumbledore chuckled with a wheeze, as he gave himself a blow job.

Mean while at a random senior center in England: All was peaceful in this senior center in Liver pool. The seniors were doing their typical bull shitting it was a just a normal day Until...

There was explosion like sound.

It was Dumbledore who apparated to the Senior Center.

Dumbledore had a golf club and a large sack.

Dumbledore saw 2 handsome old men that he wanted to know, so Dumbledore knocked them out witha golf club and violently stuffed them in his sack.

Dumbledore then disapparated wuth a thundetous piutrid fart.


	12. Chapter 12

Dumbledore was making love two his 2 new men from the nursing home.

There names were Phil and Andreas.

Dumbledore definitely preferred Phil because he was tall and posessed nice bald head that he could slap when they made love.

Dumbledore didn't prefer Andreas as much, because he was slower, fatter, but Dumbledore liked his cute glasses.

Dumbledore then realized he used to have alot more fun with just one man, so Dumbledore decided to kill the old man Andreas.

Dumbledore, after removing Andreas's glasses bound him face down to the floor.

After inserting himself a couple of times, Dumbledore got to business.

Dumbledore whipped out his wand, (which was stuck in his arse, because Dumbledore was out of toilet paper), and conjured a pimped out wheel chair, which had hydrolics, nitrogen, and everything else.

Dumbledore then hopped on the wheelchair and drove(wheeled) full speed over Andreas

There was a crunch of Andreas's rips, and a moan, which brought a twisted smile to Dumbledores gnarled, demonic mouth.

Dumbledore then drove over again this time stoppin on top of Andreas's back.

Dumbledore then began doing some sick ass wheel chair tricks on Andreas's back., until Dumbledore heard a snap of Andreas's spine.

Dumbledore now knew that Andreas was no more, so Dumbledore, using the power of levitation, tilted his wheel chair in a vertical position over Andreas, and Dumbledore blasted his nitrogen, frying Andreas into ashes.

"He always wanted to cremated!" Dumbledore cackled as he wiped a tear of pure joy from his eye.

"Come on Phil!" Dumbledore chuckled as he put Andreas's glasses on him.

Dumbledore then began slapping Phils head as the 2 elderly men began making love.


	13. Chapter 13

Today was a sad day for Dumbledore, as his new lover Phil had died from a heart attack.

On top of that the aurors had found Dumbledores hide out.

Just then Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt burst in and tried to aresst Dumbledore.

Dumbledore then picked up Phils dead corpse and threw it at Kingsley, knocking him over.

Dumbledore then slugged Kingsley in the stones as Kingsley got back up, kissed him on the mouth, and took off like a bat out of hell as more aurors came in.

There was a crack as Dumbledore apparated to a cave off the eastern coast of England , where he used ro live in as a kid.

"Theres no way those stink bat aurors will find this!" Dumbledore said as he gave himself a blow job.

Dumbledore then entered his old childhood cave.

"So many memories of me Grindelwald making fucktastic love in here!" Dumbledore sniffed as he wiped a sad tear in his eye.

Dumbledore recollected all his mwmories until he aaw an ancient bottle of unopened fire whisky.

"Thank God for this cave, my only place of refuge from those auror bastatrds!" Dumbledore now drunk, hiccuped.

Just then Dumbledore cave walls on all sides were blasted to pieces by more aurors.

Kingsley Shacklebolt bolt came in and boy was he pissed, Kingsley was no longer black, he was red.

Kingsley grabbed Dumbledores beard and ripped the whole rhing clean off.

Dumbledore then let off an ear shattering scream

"Ouch me beard, me beautiful beard! " Dumbledore screamed.

Kingsley the grabbed Dumbledores hair, and violently ripped half of it off.

"No me beautiful gray hair, you'll pay for that!" Dumbledore threatened as Kingsley slugged Dumbledore in thw balls so hard that Dumbledores eye balls popped out.

Dumbledore no unconscious was taken into auror custody to be sorted out.


	14. Chapter 14

Dumbledore was taking to his trial in front of minister of magic Cornelius Fudge.

Dumbledore immediately began speaking his mind.

"You bastards let me go! Let me go right now! Dumbledore cursed.

When Dumbledore was ignored he proceeded further.

"That nigger Shacklebolt and the rest of those bastard Aurors framed because there ageis!." Dumbledore croaked.

Still Dumbledore was getting no reaction, Dumbledore saw that they reading his charges off as if nothing happened, it became clear to Dumbledore at that moment that they used a sound blocking charm on Dumbledore.

That got Dumbledore so pissed.

"Well block this asswhipes!" Dumbledore quacked as hebleapef at Fudge and tried to strangle him.

Then Dumbledore was hit by a dozen stupify curses and He was out cold, or so they thought.

When an auror came to move Dumbledore, Dumbledore skillfully grabbed the aurors wand killed him and set a fien fire in the ministry so he could escape. Before he left Dumbledore went to the staff room and raided there refreshments.

Dumbledore then blew upa couple more ministry rooms, and laughed like a hyena as he saw countless people get consumed by the fire.

Dumbledore returned to one of his many homes and returned to his new boyfriend Chip where of he met off of a wizard dating programm!


End file.
